Sometimes, no matter how hard I fight for the things that my heart desires, things still don’t go my way; even though I know that there was nothing wrong with it, and that I gave my best. Fighting for love always sound heroic and right thing to do. But why does life seem to be against me? This thought reminded me of three things.
The first thing is that our hearts are very playful. Not because it shouts out someone’s name or it deems an action reasonable, it means that it’s right. People tell us to follow our hearts. And that is the right thing to do. But it only becomes the right thing to do if our hearts are full and whole. Because when it’s bruised and broken, it’ll only tell you foolishness and lies. It will only make you fight the wrong fight, and end up even more hurt.
The second thing is on seasons. As in, winter, spring, summer and fall. This is probably the advice that I tell people the most. That there are seasons in our lives, and we must learn to enjoy every season. There is a time for everything. Things and people are just shared to us for a moment, but they will never be forever ours. And so we must appreciate them while they’re still with us. And when they’re gone, we shouldn’t say that life is unfair because they’re gone, but we should still try to smile and remember the sweet moments we had with them. There are just some things that we can’t understand at the moment, or are not humanly possible to comprehend, but surely, in the future, we’ll realize why they were meant to be.
The third thing is that in the end, it’s still God’s will that is followed, by nature, humanity or fate, whatever you call it. It’s His show, not mine. It’s His creation, and not my life. And I just have to trust that His will is perfect and His plan for me is way way way better than the best plan I can make for my life. He knows the desires of my heart. Align you’re heart to Him and walk with Him all the days of your life. You can never go wrong with God.
These things that I’ve been reminded of are based on my experiences and knowledge. It’s funny because despite these things that I believe in, I’m here again, back to ground zero. I didn’t follow my own principles. I followed my broken heart and got lost in the way. So don’t count on me to be the person to live a godly life because my life is far from godly. More than being a message to others, I guess this post is actually a challenge I’m setting against myself. Because I know what I need to do in order to be happy, it’s just that I keep on wrestling with God. I lack the courage to fight for God and so I ended up fighting against Him instead. And fighting against Him means that he won’t be able to do his will in my life. But if I know the secret to happiness, and if I was once on my way to happiness, what still hinders me from going for it? Well, there’s fear, as I’ve mentioned earlier. And pride. And still pride. And more pride. So I guess the real challenge is not to follow God, because a relationship with God, although hard, is perfection. The challenge is to stop finding pleasure from my achievements or for what I’ve done for myself, and to start doing things that will satisfy God and fight with him. As one of our pastors preached last Sunday, you may leave the place crippled, but the crippling will only lead to greater blessing. This will be one tough journey. Challenge accepted? I guess…I should. *fingers crossed*